Saturday, September 11, 2010
I still get a lump in my throat when someone mentions 9/11 to me. I still get sick to my stomach thinking of those who jumped out of buildings thinking that was better than staying in those buildings. I still have a ache in my heart for my country 9 years later.
I'm not one to be all patriotic. You don't see me at a Fourth of July parade or wearing those little poppy flowers. But I remember that day like it was this very morning. I remember how I felt.
I remember hunting down an American flag and only being able to find one that I could put on the window of my car and let it fly while I drove around. I remember watching the news coverage from the moment I got home from work after a very eerie drive home. I remember having to turn it off because it made me sick.
I remember talking to friends of mine who lived in the cities with me since I was living by myself. I remember wanting to be held and told everything would be okay and that this was just a very very bad dream. I remember hearing the jets pass over downtown St. Paul as I watched from my window... peaking out my window not sure if I really wanted to see what could have happened had it not been just "us" keeping watch of our cities.
I still have the newspapers from that tragic day. I even have a VHS tape of stuff I recorded, even of me flipping through the channels only to find everyone was covering it on each and every channel. I still wonder what happened. How could this have happened?
My stomach hurts as I type. There is a lump in my throat. And my heart still aches.